Party Crasher!

Yeah so I crashed a party!  Well, a commercial audition party.  I hear of people crashing auditions all the time, but I've never had the guts or know how to do it myself.  However, yesterday, I had asked the universe (via twitter @cboag484) to make my Wednesday exciting.

Well, during my voice lesson I got a text from a good friend telling me that he was at his audition and there were lots of  'Colleen Wannabee's' in there and I should get my butt in that room!  I was excited, but hesitant.  I asked every question I could possibly ask in hopes of finding some reason not to go:

'Do they have you in their system?'
"No, you just sign in when you walk in the door."
'Do you think it'll be less of a wait if I go later, towards the end of the day?'
"I think it'll be about the same wait no matter when you go."
'Do I need sides?  What is everyone wearing? Why would I be good enough?  Would I get arrested if they found me out?  Will I get blacklisted?  Punched?  Murdered???!?!?!?!'

Shhh....I had to tell myself to stop the doubt.  Stop telling yourself you're not good enough.  You're friend, your supporter, wouldn't put you in a position of making a fool of yourself.  He's helping you!  Let him!

So, after about an hour of working up the nerve, I saddled on some balls (excuse my french) and marched into that audition waiting room, headshot in hand, confidence rising and feeling hella good about my decision to be bold, brave and ambitious.  Fearless.  Daring.  Go out and grab your dreams!

I stepped into the room and eek...there was a lady checking everyone in with a list in hand with everyone's headshot and info on it.  Now, there was someone in front of me, so I waited patiently, thinking, 'Should I give up now? Accept defeat?  Or stand here and show everyone that I do in fact belong in this room?'

I held my ground.

I overheard the guy in front of me, who happened to also not be on the list, (a fellow crasher?) and I listened to his confident reply of, 'Well, I received the audition this morning, so it was a late confirmation and I'm not even supposed to be here until 5pm, but I thought I'd try to come early.'

Why thank you sir for your brilliant B.S.  When my turn came up I casually said, 'I just overheard what you two were saying and I think I probably have the same issue since I got the notification this morning from my agent and confirmed just a few hours ago.'

The woman smiled and said, "Ok, whats your name?  Let me see if I can find you!"

Knowing she wouldn't find me, I confidently stated my name and watched as she searched.  She kindly told all of us 'missing' people to hang out until she talked to the director to find out if he could squeeze us in.  At least I wasn't the only one!  *Phew!

After about a five min. wait, she announced that we could stay if we were male and bilingual.  Guess all the balls in the world couldn't have gotten me in that door.  But you know what?  At least I tried!

And for that I'm proud of myself and have no regrets.  I also got to leave my headshot, because she so graciously offered to collect them, saying, 'We're casting things all the time so if you want to leave your headshots I'll gladly take them.'  Why not?

Have you ever crashed an event you weren't supposed to go to?  It's a pretty good adrenaline rush!  Thanks Universe for giving me some excitement.  Now, can I please get a kick-a** lead in an action movie and a paycheck that makes me faint??

Fakin' it??

I've come to the conclusion that this career is toughest for those of us in the 'middle'. Middle height (5'2"), middle weight (neither over weight or anorexic but rather 'healthy'), and middle looks (not stunningly exotic like Angelina and not so hideous we brake mirrors, just normal symmetrical every day girl next door looks).

Why? You ask? Because Hollywood has no idea where to put us! If I was 5'9", stick thin and exotic looking I'd be characterized as 'hot chick', 'upscale model good looks', 'headturner' or if I was 4'11" with a big nose and crooked grin, I'd be making bank doing commercials. What about the rest of us? Where do we go? ...'shrug'.

Exactly. I went to a job orientation yesterday for promo modeling. This is why I bring this up. I feel our view of beauty is so skewed it's created this void for ppl like me, who are average height, curvaceous and have a natural hair color (gasp).

I sat in a room full of 22yr old fake blondes with ribs poking out of their shirts. Me? I'm thin, I work out. But I'm a size 8. Why? Because I have hips. No matter how much weight I lose, how much I diet or work out, I will always be a size 8.

'ladies, Jillian fit in 30 is a god send! We need you toned and tan.'. The first part of this I felt was indirectly aimed at me, the second was for a fact aimed at me. 'get a tan'. Were the words of advice I was given as I was sent out the door. Ugh.

Now my whole life I've had people greet me with, 'you're so tan!' and I've scowled and said, 'ugh, really??'. Because I slather on the sunscreen and bring an umbrella to the beach so that one day when I'm 50 I can still look like I'm 35. So how is it that despite all that protection I still look tan to everyone and yet, I'm not tan enough. I'm also not blonde enough...what? I was the only real blonde in the heard.

So my quandary is: do I tan and dye and plaster on the eyelashes and makeup so that Hollywood knows where to put me? Or do I stay au naturel and let myself flop about until that golden role appears: "seeking real blondes, no fakes, with hips, defined biceps, real boobs, preferably less than a C cup and book smarts.".

I think I'll flop.

Boy do I sound cynical!  Dallas Travers would say that I need to turn my negative statement of 'it's toughest in hollywood for those of us with middle looks' into a positive powerful statement, so here goes nothing: "there's an over abundance of jobs for average height blondes with athletic bodies so much that my phone rings with endless opportunities."