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Friday, April 20, 2012

Auditions: The Good, The Bad...The FUGLY

I don't know what happened...I was beaming with confidence, my hair was just right, I had brushed my teeth and was wearing my blue power blouse that shows the world I'm a star.  Then...I walked into the audition room.

And bombed.

It was as if I just stepped off a farm in Omaha (no offense...are there even farms in omaha?) and decided today, two minutes before my audition that I wanted to be an actress.

What happened in there??  That's all my brain could ask as I walked out the door and got in my car.  It was an out of body experience.  Now, I know many other actors have experienced the ultimate, 'I nailed that audition!  Bam!  I was so freaking prepared, there's no way I didnt get that part!'  and I'm sure many have experienced the, 'Eh, I could've done better.'  But please, please, please, tell me I'm not the only one that just experienced:

Camera Op: 'Please slate your name.'
Me: 'Hi, I'm Colleen Irene Boag, I'm about to be your worst auditioning nightmare.'
Camera Op: 'Have you ever used our product before.'
Me: 'Hell no!  Thank God!  I hope I never have to!'
Camera Op: 'Ok...great.  Go ahead when you're ready.'

(Inner monologue) Ok...say the lines, get them right, no, that's not the line, oh shoot, i'm just reading right of the paper, crap, I'm supposed to be holding a cat?!?!?!  Should I mime it?  Sure, why the hell not!  Let's bend out of frame and pick up an imaginary cat and pretend to be petting it with my eyes completely down and not even a quick look up so the camera can see how they sparkle!  Great!  F-ed up that line, who cares, two more lines, just keep going, my eyes are darting everywhere, why are my eyes darting everywhere, do not apologize for sucking even though this is the most suck I've ever felt in an audition room, oh dear Lord, I should've just stayed in bed this morning and not...I'm done.

'Thanks.'

'Uh...thank you!  Have a good day!'

I walked out of that building as fast as I possibly could and wanted to just run and hide under the biggest rock I could find.   Ok.  Time to dive back into commercial class.  That was an ultimate train wreck.

(disclaimer: i didn't actually cry after the audition...
i'm just actually a good actress, believe it or not)

Here's hoping that auditions are like life...when you've hit rock bottom, there's no way to go but up.  On to the next!  Oy.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Flights are How Much?!?!??!

Is anyone else getting overwhelmed by the gas prices these days??  Yikes!  I'm always happy when I'm able to walk somewhere and save .011 gallon of gas, so I don't have to visit that horrifying gas station, spend $25 and only see the needle go up to a quarter tank.  Ugh.

I believe this is directly affecting the price of flights as well.  This year has already been a challenging one navigating the discount, cheap flight websites almost every day to plan for a hefty number of trips I'm taking this year.

I'm very excited to be taking these trips, don't get me wrong.  I'm visiting Vegas, I'm flying home to visit my new nephew, baby John, I'm flying internationally to Italy to be in my best friends wedding!  It's all fabulously exciting and very much worth my time, but my bank account keeps frowning at me...

As a 'starving artist', I find these prices to be even more daunting.  All things I want to do and I will end up doing, even if it means months of raman noodles and no cable ;).  Whatever happened to the days of discount travel sites actually offering discounts??  I've been searching for cheap flights on hotwire, orbitz, priceline, etc, and it seems to me that the prices they spit out are what you would pay if you were going to the airline site itself.  I miss the 'good old days'...am I actually old enough to say that?

It's so funny when I reminisce about 'back in the day' when I would stop at the gas pump on my way back from senior year classes and I'd sift around the floor and seats of my mazda 323 hatchback and find about $2 worth of change.  I'd walk inside to the clerk, "$2 on number 4 please", and I'd have a decent amount of gas to get me through the week.  Heaven.

Well, prices are rising...so I hope minimum wage gets on board soon enough, or I book that next big Tim Burton film and get a chance to pay my entire family's gas for a few years!

Got any secret good advice on how to save money on flights or at the pump??  Let me know!

Ooh, for those of you with smartphones, there's an app called 'Gas Buddy' and it tells you the price of the gas in the area you are so you can find the cheapest.  At least you may only spend $4.60 as opposed to $4.89  ;)

Friday, March 23, 2012

Hollywood Half Marathon Here I come!

So, back in January...a friend of mine approached me about training for the Hollywood half marathon.  I laughed in his face.  The most I ever run is 1mi, maybe 2 if I'm on a treadmill.  13.5mi??  That would take me like 10hrs!

However, I thought...and thought...and thought about it, and decided.  Ok, I'm gonna be tough on myself and sign up for it and pay money to torture myself and therefore, I have to train!

Three months later, here I sit, writing this blog post with legs that feel like jelly and the lung capacity of a whale (do they have good lung capacity?  I would think so, cuz they're huge!).  Anyway, point is, the race is two weeks and three days away, April 7th, 2012 @6am.  And to be honest, I feel pretty prepared.  I've run over 51mi in just the last month alone.  What?  I think that's more than I've run in the past 3 years combined.

I've learned through this process that the human body is amazing!  And we can honestly do pretty much whatever we put our minds to.  It's been intense, but I've gained a whole new respect for runners.  I don't view running as 'torture' so much anymore and before, when I thought of running 6mi I'd rather have eaten a live worm.  But now I see 6mi and think, oh thank God! That's an easy run!

On top of training for a half marathon I've been putting together a night of Screenings and Sketches with some friends and if you ask me which has been harder?  I'd say the screening night has felt like running a full marathon...I really don't prefer to produce events/films.  I'll do it now, while I'm still working my way up the ladder, but in the future?  I hope to retire my producer hat while I'm still young.  But another half marathon?  I think I could probably handle that.  We shall see how I feel once i actually run it though...i might have a different story.

Let me know if you're running the half as well!  I'll look out for you at the starting line!

And if you're not up to anything important on March 27th starting at 8pm, you should come by and check out the most amazing and free 'Late Night LA' show I've been busting my butt to put together!  Event Page with more info: https://www.facebook.com/events/396298793714239/?__adt=9

Monday, March 5, 2012

Get out of Town!

No, really, get out of town.

As an actor and 5yr resident of Los Angeles, CA, I think it's fun, healthy and absolutely necessary to take breaks from the crazy nonstop hustle of Hollywood. It can drive you insane, as I'm sure my fellow actors know. So allow yourself some breathing room and remind yourself that there's a huge world outside of the film industry! And if you step away for 24 hrs it'll all still be there when you get back...

I just took a quick one night trip up to San Francisco with my sweet man to visit his little sis. We drove! What a blast! I love road trips it really is a great way to see the country and appreciate what the world has to offer, (ps. I would never want to own a car if I lived in San Fran, I'd prolly end up driving over 2 ppl a day and I don't think I'd look that good in an orange jumpsuit).

Any who, this was a needed little escape. I've been increasingly busy these days and in a very good and exciting way. I booked two auditions the other week, and believe it or not they were both paying! woohoo! So last weekend I spent two days filming and being a 'working actress' and another day filming a feature for a friend. It was very fulfilling.

And now here I am on my way back from one night off and I'm planning two more days of filming and have 4 auditions to record when I get home. The hustle never dies! I love it and will never complain, but I gotta say, having a hard working agent and a name where you don't necessarily have to audition to get a part must be nice!

So seriously, next time you feel yourself swamped and stressed and unable to breathe, get out of town! You deserve it! We all do! Where would you go if you had a few days off and could drive 6 hrs??...what's stopping you? Don't forget, you only live once, don't waste it!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Party Crasher!


Yeah so I crashed a party!  Well, a commercial audition party.  I hear of people crashing auditions all the time, but I've never had the guts or know how to do it myself.  However, yesterday, I had asked the universe (via twitter @cboag484) to make my Wednesday exciting.

Well, during my voice lesson I got a text from a good friend telling me that he was at his audition and there were lots of  'Colleen Wannabee's' in there and I should get my butt in that room!  I was excited, but hesitant.  I asked every question I could possibly ask in hopes of finding some reason not to go:

'Do they have you in their system?'
"No, you just sign in when you walk in the door."
'Do you think it'll be less of a wait if I go later, towards the end of the day?'
"I think it'll be about the same wait no matter when you go."
'Do I need sides?  What is everyone wearing? Why would I be good enough?  Would I get arrested if they found me out?  Will I get blacklisted?  Punched?  Murdered???!?!?!?!'

Shhh....I had to tell myself to stop the doubt.  Stop telling yourself you're not good enough.  You're friend, your supporter, wouldn't put you in a position of making a fool of yourself.  He's helping you!  Let him!

So, after about an hour of working up the nerve, I saddled on some balls (excuse my french) and marched into that audition waiting room, headshot in hand, confidence rising and feeling hella good about my decision to be bold, brave and ambitious.  Fearless.  Daring.  Go out and grab your dreams!

I stepped into the room and eek...there was a lady checking everyone in with a list in hand with everyone's headshot and info on it.  Now, there was someone in front of me, so I waited patiently, thinking, 'Should I give up now? Accept defeat?  Or stand here and show everyone that I do in fact belong in this room?'

I held my ground.

I overheard the guy in front of me, who happened to also not be on the list, (a fellow crasher?) and I listened to his confident reply of, 'Well, I received the audition this morning, so it was a late confirmation and I'm not even supposed to be here until 5pm, but I thought I'd try to come early.'

Why thank you sir for your brilliant B.S.  When my turn came up I casually said, 'I just overheard what you two were saying and I think I probably have the same issue since I got the notification this morning from my agent and confirmed just a few hours ago.'

The woman smiled and said, "Ok, whats your name?  Let me see if I can find you!"

Knowing she wouldn't find me, I confidently stated my name and watched as she searched.  She kindly told all of us 'missing' people to hang out until she talked to the director to find out if he could squeeze us in.  At least I wasn't the only one!  *Phew!

After about a five min. wait, she announced that we could stay if we were male and bilingual.  Guess all the balls in the world couldn't have gotten me in that door.  But you know what?  At least I tried!

And for that I'm proud of myself and have no regrets.  I also got to leave my headshot, because she so graciously offered to collect them, saying, 'We're casting things all the time so if you want to leave your headshots I'll gladly take them.'  Why not?

Have you ever crashed an event you weren't supposed to go to?  It's a pretty good adrenaline rush!  Thanks Universe for giving me some excitement.  Now, can I please get a kick-a** lead in an action movie and a paycheck that makes me faint??

Friday, February 3, 2012

Fakin' it??

I've come to the conclusion that this career is toughest for those of us in the 'middle'. Middle height (5'2"), middle weight (neither over weight or anorexic but rather 'healthy'), and middle looks (not stunningly exotic like Angelina and not so hideous we brake mirrors, just normal symmetrical every day girl next door looks).

Why? You ask? Because Hollywood has no idea where to put us! If I was 5'9", stick thin and exotic looking I'd be characterized as 'hot chick', 'upscale model good looks', 'headturner' or if I was 4'11" with a big nose and crooked grin, I'd be making bank doing commercials. What about the rest of us? Where do we go? ...'shrug'.

Exactly. I went to a job orientation yesterday for promo modeling. This is why I bring this up. I feel our view of beauty is so skewed it's created this void for ppl like me, who are average height, curvaceous and have a natural hair color (gasp).

I sat in a room full of 22yr old fake blondes with ribs poking out of their shirts. Me? I'm thin, I work out. But I'm a size 8. Why? Because I have hips. No matter how much weight I lose, how much I diet or work out, I will always be a size 8.

'ladies, Jillian fit in 30 is a god send! We need you toned and tan.'. The first part of this I felt was indirectly aimed at me, the second was for a fact aimed at me. 'get a tan'. Were the words of advice I was given as I was sent out the door. Ugh.

Now my whole life I've had people greet me with, 'you're so tan!' and I've scowled and said, 'ugh, really??'. Because I slather on the sunscreen and bring an umbrella to the beach so that one day when I'm 50 I can still look like I'm 35. So how is it that despite all that protection I still look tan to everyone and yet, I'm not tan enough. I'm also not blonde enough...what? I was the only real blonde in the heard.

So my quandary is: do I tan and dye and plaster on the eyelashes and makeup so that Hollywood knows where to put me? Or do I stay au naturel and let myself flop about until that golden role appears: "seeking real blondes, no fakes, with hips, defined biceps, real boobs, preferably less than a C cup and book smarts.".

I think I'll flop.

Boy do I sound cynical!  Dallas Travers would say that I need to turn my negative statement of 'it's toughest in hollywood for those of us with middle looks' into a positive powerful statement, so here goes nothing: "there's an over abundance of jobs for average height blondes with athletic bodies so much that my phone rings with endless opportunities."

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Happiness. (Part I)

The comment on my previous post stirred up my thoughts for this post.  It's important as actors that we achieve balance in all aspects of our lives.  If we focus solely on our careers then our lives are going to seem bleak and frustrating...at least during the years when our careers are 'in development'.

I recently had a career coaching session with Shawn Tolleson, who I think is a very wise woman, and she asked me to journal about what makes me happy.  Not, 'why acting makes me happy', but rather when do I achieve that utmost sense of happiness?  What am I doing when I can't control the smile creeping across my face?

I've somewhat been avoiding this because lately I've been feeling...well, empty.  Emotionless.  As an actress this is terrifying.  If I have no emotions then how can i connect with my characters and give real, believable, gut wrenching performances?

It's not that I'm feeling depressed.  I've been depressed in the past and it's quite horrible, those of you who have gone through it know.  It's not depression I'm feeling, it's a lack of...sparkle.  Pizzazz.  Tingliness.  Giddiness.  Uncontrollable Joy.  Instead I feel like a robot.  I smile when I hear a joke, although I'm not sure why it was funny.  I have to tell myself I'm having a good time, instead of just knowing it.  Sometimes I just don't 'feel' like I think i should.  I don't 'feel' anything.

I'm gonna make this post a two part-er cuz I'm going to pay extra special attention the next couple of days to my 'feelings' and mark down when I believe I'm 'acting happy' and when there's no acting involved at all.  And when I find those moments where it's natural and not robotic, I'm gonna write it down, think about it and capture how happiness feels.

I think back to moments I know I'm truly utterly happy:  One in particular was last Sept.  I had a movie screening in Chicago and managed to track down my besties from high school and get them all to agree to meet me in Chicago, not only for the screening but for a weekend of fun.  Oh My Goodness what an amazing weekend it was.  Even without the screening I would've had the time of my life.  And you know what I think it was?  I was with people who've known me since I was 16 (wow...it's been quite some time), who've taught me to drive my first car, wept with me when my father passed, waved as I drove off to college, talked me through my first (and second) heartbreak, supported every moment of my career without question and love me unconditionally to this day.  I didn't have to prove anything about myself.  I had nothing to be self-conscious about (they've seen me at my worst).  And I didn't have to worry about not being entertaining enough.  I could just be.  Breathe.  Relax.  Smile.  Enjoy.  It was by far the highlight of my 2011 year.

So there in-lies one key to my happiness: Just being me the human being, not me 'the actress'.


*Sigh.  If I could capture that in all that I do, perhaps I can be a bit more, I was gonna say successful, but I change my mind.  It's not about success.  It's about happiness.  That's what I ultimately want to achieve in my lifetime.  Did I live a happy life?  Why yes.  I did.

Stay tuned for part II!