A year ago today...

So much can change in a year.  It doesn't seem like a significant amount of time, but so much happens!  Then one has to wonder...well, if so much can happen, why hasn't my career happened?  Quandry of my life thus far.

But, I just stumbled back upon my blog after taking about a year off of writing anything.  It makes me sad that I've missed an entire year of using my written language, but maybe everything happens for a reason and I needed that year off.

I feel like an entirely different person then I was a year ago:

New apt
New haircut
New love
New job
New friends
New car
New Nephew
New body (au naturel of course)

The list goes on....

I know the last time I posted I had mentioned getting my one-sheet done. Well, not only did I work on my own one-sheet, but I started creating one-sheets for other actors.  And then more, and more and now, it's sort of a little side gig I do.  I've grown to really enjoy it!  I used to be on my highschool yearbook team (?) club (?) what do you call it?  Anyway, and I'd work on the layouts and I remember loving it.  I think if I were offered a job as a designer for legit magazine covers, I'd take it!  But in the meantime, I'll make these actor one-sheets:

Shameless self promotion:  If you're interested in getting a one-sheet done, please email me at cbONESHEETS@gmail.com and I'll fill you in on all my rates and how to proceed!  They really are a great marketing tool for actors who want to get their faces in front of agents, casting directors and managers!

Now a new goal for me is to keep up to date with this blog.  I'm going to do my best to write once a week, if not more!  I'm happy to be back!

Gratitude 365

Gotta be thankful for even the smallest of victories:

1. Grateful that I had such a blast at my audition yesterday
2. Grateful that I had the courage to drop off my movies to a target CD
3. Grateful I have a car again
4. Grateful for my friend Jayme
5. Grateful for inspiring movies like 'Django'

'I'm so happy and grateful that I booked a supporting role in a SAG feature'

I'm doing a 42-day Book a Job Challenge and part of the process is keeping a gratitude journal daily.  I've done this challenge once before and my favorite part was starting each and every day with the things I'm grateful for.  It really makes you focus on what's important in life and makes you less worried about what you're doing wrong or could be doing better.  Keeps me present.

So, on to day 10 of the challenge!  My goal today is to work on a 'One Sheet'.  I'll share it here when I'm done!

What're you're goals for the next 42 days? Inspire me!

Fakin' it??

I've come to the conclusion that this career is toughest for those of us in the 'middle'. Middle height (5'2"), middle weight (neither over weight or anorexic but rather 'healthy'), and middle looks (not stunningly exotic like Angelina and not so hideous we brake mirrors, just normal symmetrical every day girl next door looks).

Why? You ask? Because Hollywood has no idea where to put us! If I was 5'9", stick thin and exotic looking I'd be characterized as 'hot chick', 'upscale model good looks', 'headturner' or if I was 4'11" with a big nose and crooked grin, I'd be making bank doing commercials. What about the rest of us? Where do we go? ...'shrug'.

Exactly. I went to a job orientation yesterday for promo modeling. This is why I bring this up. I feel our view of beauty is so skewed it's created this void for ppl like me, who are average height, curvaceous and have a natural hair color (gasp).

I sat in a room full of 22yr old fake blondes with ribs poking out of their shirts. Me? I'm thin, I work out. But I'm a size 8. Why? Because I have hips. No matter how much weight I lose, how much I diet or work out, I will always be a size 8.

'ladies, Jillian fit in 30 is a god send! We need you toned and tan.'. The first part of this I felt was indirectly aimed at me, the second was for a fact aimed at me. 'get a tan'. Were the words of advice I was given as I was sent out the door. Ugh.

Now my whole life I've had people greet me with, 'you're so tan!' and I've scowled and said, 'ugh, really??'. Because I slather on the sunscreen and bring an umbrella to the beach so that one day when I'm 50 I can still look like I'm 35. So how is it that despite all that protection I still look tan to everyone and yet, I'm not tan enough. I'm also not blonde enough...what? I was the only real blonde in the heard.

So my quandary is: do I tan and dye and plaster on the eyelashes and makeup so that Hollywood knows where to put me? Or do I stay au naturel and let myself flop about until that golden role appears: "seeking real blondes, no fakes, with hips, defined biceps, real boobs, preferably less than a C cup and book smarts.".

I think I'll flop.

Boy do I sound cynical!  Dallas Travers would say that I need to turn my negative statement of 'it's toughest in hollywood for those of us with middle looks' into a positive powerful statement, so here goes nothing: "there's an over abundance of jobs for average height blondes with athletic bodies so much that my phone rings with endless opportunities."

95%-er

Along with the fear of flying comes the fear of succeeding. I just read a fabulous article that was tweeted by Dallas Travers (if you don't already know her, as an actor you need to!). It was all about tending to give only 95% instead of 100% and therefore being mediocre at everything instead of amazing at something.

This is totally how I live my life. Lately I've been half a**ing my workouts and then wondering why I'm not seeing the results I want or imagine I should be seeing. Well, duh!

Same goes for my acting career. I get auditions and after complaining about never getting auditions I don't prepare until the night before! What is wrong with me? Then, of course I don't get callbacks.

This is a terrible terrible cycle leading to non-success.

I fear that if I become successful I won't know what to do or how to handle it. If I succeed, then what?

Well, fear be gone! I no longer will hold back. I'm going to conquer everything put my mind too and if it doesn't feel like 100% I'm gonna stop being a child and try my hardest.

There. It's out there. There's no going back.