The Secret to Success

In a recent discussion of my career as an actress my man said to me, 'Well, you've got nowhere to go but up, right?'  Now, many would've been insulted by this comment.  And I fully know it was not meant to be an insult, nor did I take it as such.  Instead I heard it as, 'Well, the sky's the limit, right?'

And he's totally right!  As an actor, most of us don't realize how true it is that when we're just starting out or struggling to get that first big break, there really is nowhere to go but up.  We can't possibly lose the jobs we've already done, get cut out of films we've already seen ourselves in, lose the connections we've already got.  Sure, we can piss people off, but that doesn't make us go lower than we already are, if anything it makes us memorable.

Haha, ok that sounds cynical or something, but it's not meant to be.  It's actually meant to be encouraging.  As an artist, in this ever changing weird career field where there is no right and wrong, no black and white, we must hold on to the thought that every step we take is a step forward, not back or 'down', but forward, something new, something different, something exciting and something filled with potential.

That's really all I have to say about that.  Short and sweet.  

Auditions: The Good, The Bad...The FUGLY

I don't know what happened...I was beaming with confidence, my hair was just right, I had brushed my teeth and was wearing my blue power blouse that shows the world I'm a star.  Then...I walked into the audition room.

And bombed.

It was as if I just stepped off a farm in Omaha (no offense...are there even farms in omaha?) and decided today, two minutes before my audition that I wanted to be an actress.

What happened in there??  That's all my brain could ask as I walked out the door and got in my car.  It was an out of body experience.  Now, I know many other actors have experienced the ultimate, 'I nailed that audition!  Bam!  I was so freaking prepared, there's no way I didnt get that part!'  and I'm sure many have experienced the, 'Eh, I could've done better.'  But please, please, please, tell me I'm not the only one that just experienced:

Camera Op: 'Please slate your name.'
Me: 'Hi, I'm Colleen Irene Boag, I'm about to be your worst auditioning nightmare.'
Camera Op: 'Have you ever used our product before.'
Me: 'Hell no!  Thank God!  I hope I never have to!'
Camera Op: 'Ok...great.  Go ahead when you're ready.'

(Inner monologue) Ok...say the lines, get them right, no, that's not the line, oh shoot, i'm just reading right of the paper, crap, I'm supposed to be holding a cat?!?!?!  Should I mime it?  Sure, why the hell not!  Let's bend out of frame and pick up an imaginary cat and pretend to be petting it with my eyes completely down and not even a quick look up so the camera can see how they sparkle!  Great!  F-ed up that line, who cares, two more lines, just keep going, my eyes are darting everywhere, why are my eyes darting everywhere, do not apologize for sucking even though this is the most suck I've ever felt in an audition room, oh dear Lord, I should've just stayed in bed this morning and not...I'm done.

'Thanks.'

'Uh...thank you!  Have a good day!'

I walked out of that building as fast as I possibly could and wanted to just run and hide under the biggest rock I could find.   Ok.  Time to dive back into commercial class.  That was an ultimate train wreck.

(disclaimer: i didn't actually cry after the audition...

i'm just actually a good actress, believe it or not)

Here's hoping that auditions are like life...when you've hit rock bottom, there's no way to go but up.  On to the next!  Oy.

Party Crasher!

Yeah so I crashed a party!  Well, a commercial audition party.  I hear of people crashing auditions all the time, but I've never had the guts or know how to do it myself.  However, yesterday, I had asked the universe (via twitter @cboag484) to make my Wednesday exciting.

Well, during my voice lesson I got a text from a good friend telling me that he was at his audition and there were lots of  'Colleen Wannabee's' in there and I should get my butt in that room!  I was excited, but hesitant.  I asked every question I could possibly ask in hopes of finding some reason not to go:

'Do they have you in their system?'
"No, you just sign in when you walk in the door."
'Do you think it'll be less of a wait if I go later, towards the end of the day?'
"I think it'll be about the same wait no matter when you go."
'Do I need sides?  What is everyone wearing? Why would I be good enough?  Would I get arrested if they found me out?  Will I get blacklisted?  Punched?  Murdered???!?!?!?!'

Shhh....I had to tell myself to stop the doubt.  Stop telling yourself you're not good enough.  You're friend, your supporter, wouldn't put you in a position of making a fool of yourself.  He's helping you!  Let him!

So, after about an hour of working up the nerve, I saddled on some balls (excuse my french) and marched into that audition waiting room, headshot in hand, confidence rising and feeling hella good about my decision to be bold, brave and ambitious.  Fearless.  Daring.  Go out and grab your dreams!

I stepped into the room and eek...there was a lady checking everyone in with a list in hand with everyone's headshot and info on it.  Now, there was someone in front of me, so I waited patiently, thinking, 'Should I give up now? Accept defeat?  Or stand here and show everyone that I do in fact belong in this room?'

I held my ground.

I overheard the guy in front of me, who happened to also not be on the list, (a fellow crasher?) and I listened to his confident reply of, 'Well, I received the audition this morning, so it was a late confirmation and I'm not even supposed to be here until 5pm, but I thought I'd try to come early.'

Why thank you sir for your brilliant B.S.  When my turn came up I casually said, 'I just overheard what you two were saying and I think I probably have the same issue since I got the notification this morning from my agent and confirmed just a few hours ago.'

The woman smiled and said, "Ok, whats your name?  Let me see if I can find you!"

Knowing she wouldn't find me, I confidently stated my name and watched as she searched.  She kindly told all of us 'missing' people to hang out until she talked to the director to find out if he could squeeze us in.  At least I wasn't the only one!  *Phew!

After about a five min. wait, she announced that we could stay if we were male and bilingual.  Guess all the balls in the world couldn't have gotten me in that door.  But you know what?  At least I tried!

And for that I'm proud of myself and have no regrets.  I also got to leave my headshot, because she so graciously offered to collect them, saying, 'We're casting things all the time so if you want to leave your headshots I'll gladly take them.'  Why not?

Have you ever crashed an event you weren't supposed to go to?  It's a pretty good adrenaline rush!  Thanks Universe for giving me some excitement.  Now, can I please get a kick-a** lead in an action movie and a paycheck that makes me faint??